Ok, this is a statement that you have to think about for a while. What I mean is that when someone is hurting you, remember this, if they felt good about themselves and valued who they were, they would not be hurting someone else.

People often assume when someone does something that makes them feel hurt or discounted that the action was done by a person who feels superior to them. Actually, think about it for a moment. When you are having a good day, that is the day you smile at people, give them the benefit of the doubt, and generally spread that good feeling around you. It’s the day the car won’t start, your dog ran away when you opened the door, your partner is angry that you forgot to do something, and maybe things at work aren’t running smoothly. That is the day that you yell at someone else, shake your fist at the other driver, and carry around a mental picture of the revenge you are planning for someone.

Sometimes the hurt done to you is much worse and you carry it around for your life. If you can remember, that the hurt someone else inflicts on you is not your fault. You didn’t deserve it, and you must try not to own it. Just let it float away like a black rain cloud. That rain cloud has no personal interest in you. It is just caught up bringing rain. How silly would we be to simmer in hurt at the cloud. When the cloud disappears, the sun will be shining again. So take a lesson from nature, and stop attaching personal responsibility to other people’s clouds.

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Gina Crozier

Gina Crozier, the director of Sonoma Family Counseling has been working with families and children for over thirty years. Her style of counseling is positive, solution-focused with the idea that within everyone there is the ability to solve their problems.